Aug 18Liked by Mr. Troy Ford

I can totally see you marking your finger with a tiny red periode in solidarity with your mom! HAHA! BTW: nobody believes the Uncle Bonsai girls slept in seperate bunks.

Another brillian stack Troy 👌

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I’m glad everyone is here now so I can discuss my ailments, too.

EHS. Yes, me, too -- and not pleasant and not funny. LOUD gunshot. It sent me racing for WebMD. I’ve only had it A few other times, but I remember thinking if this starts to happen a lot it’s going to be a life-changing issue. All this post is going to do is have me up at, say, 3:19 in the morning worried I’m living next to a firing range, e.g., this post. I’d totally stopped thinking about it until you started running around in the street waving your handgun.

Related Health issue #2. Very brief. Tinnitus. I have it too. [Editor’s note: we were able to cut this paragraph significantly.]

Related Health Issue #4. Starting while falling asleep. During a time of extreme professional stress, I started to startle as I was falling asleep at the SLIGHTEST noise. I’ll get to how slight momentarily. But, first imagine Scrooge being awoken/awakened/awokened (it’s now 3:27)... Scrooge being the previous word by the Ghost of Christmas Past. I wave my arms in the air as I startle. I make a whelping sound that defies both direct language and metaphor. Then I either shoot up in the bed or lie there victimized like one of those patients in the same room as you at the hospital who never speaks and you know they are a short timer. Where was I going with that? Hmmm. 3:31 AM

Yes! The wife and children! The wife and children walk around me and make the SLIGHTEST noise and I startle. I mean someone sets a kettle down in the next county, and I fly I to the air.

Oh! And then I yell at them for making a sound while I’m in the liminal transition [Editor: I give up] This can get REALLY BAD. And it feeds on itself. The more you startle, the more you tense up, the more you startle. I’ve yelled at the Ghost of Xmas Past. [Editor: it is the Ghost of Xmas 🎄 Future that you don’t want to be yelling at.]

This has been heavily edited for clarity.

Earlier today I read that no post should be longer than 1000 words. As this is wildly unachievable for me, but a legitimate criticism of my 5500-7500 word posts, I have decided to keep my Comments under the 1000 word count threshold.

But... any response to this by anyone including the 👻 of Past and Future will reset my word clock to 0. It is 3:45 in the morning and I would like to discuss toenail wrinkling. If someone will even ask something as simple as “what is toenail wrinkling it will reset the shot clock.

It is 3:46AM in Brooklyn New York, and I can wait all night.

Finally, my children do impressions of me startling and then they get my wife involved and this can go on for a long time, somewhat like this

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Absolutely genius writing, Troy. Truly. Sorry about the old exploding head! I need to watch Kingsmen, that visual looks amazing. I wonder if that’s what my aural hallucinations were...I hope you’ve not been on any fad diets of late ;)

Speaking of hallucinations, there’s a magic mushroom called Penis Envy...

I relate a lot to young-Troy, feeling the external things on the inside. Bless your red mark of solidarity 🩸

Hoping your EHS subsides soon (post-holidays, of course)

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Exploding head syndrome does not sound fun! I hope it clears up for you quickly, Troy. But hopefully not before the holidays - as you said... if you were being serious... which I couldn’t exactly the tell 😅😂

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What the heck is a periode. Is it period 2.0? I don't want that. That syndrome sounds wild. I hope you keep feeling better my friend. Vertigo sounds awful. I don't have exploding noises in my head, but I have white noise in my ears, it's been years. With all the other stuff, I didn't even notice and thought it was normal? lol

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That song is so catchy! 🤣

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Ha, you made me laugh... sorry, not at your head problems, having an orchestra in your head must be extremely disturbing. The lady plumbing got me giggling. It is a baffling thing after all.

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Aug 18Liked by Mr. Troy Ford

Oh, but ... I just ... are you ... how do you? ... did you? ... this is ... 😆🤣😂😂

^my rollercoaster reading this equal-parts-hilarious-and-concerning post, Troy.

EHS sounds like something interesting to experience if one could just turn it on for a few minutes and then off again.

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Periode 3.0 - otherwise known as menopause - isn’t too bad. Especially if you like hot flashes, adrenaline surges, bad skin and hair loss.

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Not to worry, we Fords roll with the punches... Like I said, not dangerous, all good fun 😜 Did you see the Note I tagged you on? 🍵

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